Timewarpin’: Scenes 3-5


PART 4 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 4: ENGLAND (1643)

Mary Sutton, the swimming of a witch in 1608, Her cartwheel was broken: it was believed that if this was done a witch couldn’t curse you

An English village – Lucy Periwinkle is tied to a stake inserted in a pile of firewood – enter Dante & the General from the space-time continuum

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!

General
Where are we? When are we?

Dante
This is England, sixteen hundred & forty three – the height of the Civil War – you are about to witness the execution of a young woman call’d Lucy Periwinkle

General
What did she do

Dante
Nothing at all

General
Why’s she gonna die

Dante
Alas, Miss Periwinkleis an unfortunate victim of the ignorant & mindless perescution innate in every human being – on this occasion it is being channel’d through the evil spirit that was Matthew Hopkins, Witchfinder General – ah… speak of the Devil

Enter Matthew Hopkins & some surly looking peasants

***

BURN THE WITCHES

Matthew Hopkins
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Matthew Hopkins
Drag them down into the ditches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Matthew Hopkins
Chuck em in the duck pond see if they float

General
Chuck em in the duck pond see if they float

Matthew Hopkins
If they don’t drown they’re goin down
Were draggin the hagwoman down
I bet she’s been making bad potions
& sellin’ em all around town

Lucy Periwinkle
Why give me the tag of a satanic hag
I’ve done nothing to you, I’ve done nothing to no one
You can blacken my name, you can cut me with shame
But I know im a holy woman

Peasants
Down
We’re draggin the hagwoman down
I bet she’s been making a fortune
& keepin it all from the crown

 

Matthew Hopkins
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Matthew Hopkins
Drag them down into the ditches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Matthew Hopkins
Chuck em in the duck pond see if they float

General
Chuck em in the duck pond see if they float

Matthew Hopkins
If they don’t drown they’re goin down
We’re draggin the hagwoman down
I bet she’s been making a fortune
& spendin it all round the town

Lucy Periwinkle
Why put me on trial, I’ve never been vile
All I’ve been is something different
I heal with with my herbs, I shpiel with the birds
What’s wrong with the world, I’m innocent

Peasants
Down
We’re draggin the hagwoman down
I bet she’s been making a fortune
& keepin it all from the crown

Matthew Hopkins
What we gonna do with her people

Peasants
BURN HER!!!!

Matthew Hopkins
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Matthew Hopkins
Drag them down into the ditches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Matthew Hopkins
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

Matthew Hopkins
they ar just a bunch of bitches

Peasants
Burn em, burn em, burn the witches

General
I cannae watch this

Dante
I know, gruesome stuff eh?

General
It’s bloody barbaric

Dante
I’m glad you noticed…

General
Can we not do something to help

Dante
I’m afraid its against the rules
{Lucy starts screaming}
Its better I get you out of here rapido – I would like to show you the exact opposite of persecution

General
What’s that

Dante
It is love, my boy, love for your fellow man… its time we hit the Sixties, the west coast of America, at the geographical & chronological centre of the Summer of Love…

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!


SCENE 4: San Francisco (1967)

A group of hippies are having a sunrise hippy jam lovefest – enter Dante & the General from the space-time coninuum

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!

General
It all looks a bit Charlie Manson to me

Dante
No, that is LA, a different vibe completely, Hollywood & all that dodgy cocaine… this is San Francisco – Heights Ashbury, acid country

General
Far out man

Dante
Sarcasm might not qualify as a sin in the yes of our Heavenly Father, but it is definitely annoying – no more

General
Alright, alight, chillax

Dante
Chillax?

General
It means chilling out & relaxing at the same time

Dante
{writing in a notebook}
Hmm, I like that, chill-lax, an interesting & most quality kenning

***

DOWN ON THE BEACH

As the drums are speeding
Johnny bums the weed in
& a mums breast feedin’
Down on the beach (down on the beach)
As the vibes enhancing
Dave the raves gone trancin
Sally belly dancing
Down on the beach (down on the beach)
Peace love & happiness makes me undress

As the seagulls swoopin
Larry loop the loopin
Uma hula hoopin
Down on the beach (down on the beach)
Brotherman’s gone mental
Davey transcendental
It’s a party central
Down on the beach (down on the beach)
Peace love & happiness makes me undress
I got half a mind to leap in the sea
Watch the waters slide slowly all over my chest
Before the sunjammin’ family

Jenny’s gone all jiggy
Johnnys such a hippy
Touch ya soul & dig it
Down on the beach (down on the beach)
As the sunlights creepin
All the birds are leapin
John the bongs gone sleepy
Down on the beach (down on the beach)
Peace love & happiness makes me undress
I got half a mind to leap in the sea
Watch the waters slide slowly all over my chest
Before the sunjammin’ family

 

The summer of love is coming
I can hear the tribal drumming
I can see the rainbow changin
All the colours are rearranging
Love is the answer

& tho Jonny looks like he’s nappin
His foot start tappin
It feels like he’s still a dreaming
To this song
& when he stands up clappin
It makes us happy
It feels like we were the dreamers all along

We are the sunjammin
Sunjammin family
Watchin the sun risin’
Over the summer sea
& when the suns comin
Up to the fun drummin
This timeless fantasy
Has never felt so free

We are the sunjammin
Sunjammin family
Watchin the ships roll in
Across the summer sea
& when the boats come in
Up to the fun drummin
All of our friends can be
Part of the family

***

Dante
Now we’ve been Timewarpin’
Thro all the tides of time
I hope some sense sinks in
Enough to guide your mind

Present Past & future
Will foreever keep alive
Til we find the answers, do ya
Sense them,

General
O yes I can

Dante
Give me your hand my man

General
Dante I plan to survive

Dante
Look at how they all love each other – good music, good people, feee love – they are living together under the spell of social acceptance – everybody is equal in the eyes of a hippy

General
Everybody drinks the same water, right

Dante
Essato
{swigging from a bottle}
Or in this case some rather delicious tropical rum, I found it near the hippies

General
I thought we weren’t supposed to get involved

Dante
Booze is allowed
{swigging from the bottle}
Its good – want some

General
Alright, gizza swig
{swigging from the bottle}
So where next

Dante
We shall now be focussing on one of the most important virtues

General
What’s that

Dante
Lotalty, my boy, loyalty… its time we went to Texas

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!

***

SCENE 5: The Alamo, 1836

Davy Crockett is in his bed, the Mexican assault on the Alamo is raging all around inside the fort – enter Dante & the General from the space-time continuum

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!

***

THE ALAMO

Davy Crockett
Ay-ee-ya-yi-ee-yi-ee-yi-ee-yai
This is mine, this aint yours,
Theres one thing u should know
I’m a Texan, if ya Mexican
Ya gonna die in the Alamo

Cos they call me Davy Crockett
I got a pistol in my pocket
I got a bowie knife
I’d lay down my life
For the holy rodeo

I aint a Mexican no no I aint American no no
Im Texicana fighting for the lone star

 

I don’t give a damn if ya coming for me
Cos im getting off on the odds
I got a gun for you I got a gun for two
I’m gonna blow ya back to your gods

Cos they call me Davy Crockett
I got a pistol in my pocket
I got a shotgun & a bowie knife
I’m the king of the hounds & dogs

I aint a Mexican no no I aint American no no
Im Texicana fighting for the lone star

Well Im’ fighting for the Alamo
Maybe its my time to go
The bloodlust fills my appetite
& fortifies my will to fight

Cos they call me Davy Crockett
I got a pistol in my pocket
I got a shotgun & a bowie knife
I’m the king of the wild frontier

Im gonna try in the Alamo
Im gonna try for the Alamo
Im gonna die in the Alamo
Im gonna die for the Alamo

Enter Several Mexicans – Crockett shoots some, runs out of bullets & is bayoneted – exit Mexicans

Lying down in my gory guts
I’m gonna die here on my bed
But all around my last battleground
the enemys blood was shed

Cos they call me Davy Crockett
I got a pistol in my pocket
I got a shotgun & a bowie knife
remember me when im dead

***

General
Wow – so thats Davy Crockett

Dante
Davy Crockett, si – this is the Alamo fortress – Texas 1836, just a couple of hundred brave souls are battling 10,000 Mexicans – but for them the end has almost come

General
Why bring me here, dude

Dante
I wanted to teach you about loyalty – of defending your ideals & your responsibility – all Humans are capable of such nobility, but all you seem interested in right now is getting, how you say, off your face, & playing a strange game with sticks & balls, which you seem to lose at an awful lot

General
I’m just having a bad run of luck pal

Dante
No matter, as long as you absorb into your psyche that, just as Davey Crockett died for Texas, so every man must defend the honour of his woman

General
Alright, alright, I get it

Dante
Aha! I see a little chink has appeared in your, how would you say it in your colloquial – ‘nobhead armour’– the Divine spirit was right, as always, your soul might be saveable yet

General
So where next, this is cool

Dante
This time, my boy, we’ll be shooting forwards to the future!!

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

 

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen

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