Timewarpin’: Scenes 6-7


PART 4 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 6: Geneva, 2050

A meeting of the world leader cabal – enter Dante & the General from the space-time continuum

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!

General
When are we now

Dante
It is the year is 2050 – those people sitting down are members of the world leader cabal – they are so obsessed with money they are literally killing the planet earth all in the name of personal wealth

General
Pure greed

Dante
Essato – any moment now they are to receive a visit from a certain body of green activists

General
What, Greenpeace, Extinction Rebellion

Dante
No, these are the main guys, they call themselves the druids, my boy – & here they come, bang on time as usual – they’re very punctual are the pendragons

Enter druids

***

LOVE THE PLANET

Drowning islands, blood red diamonds
Assassin silence, it’s all the same
Sighing Parthenon, dying Amazon
Cryin’ now shes gone, we’re all to blamne

Love the planet (save her)
Love the planet
She’s the only one we got

Many people fear we must dissapear
(Melt away) Like a candle
Look inside your soul, we could lose it all
(People say) it’s a scandal

Children’s hunger pang, dead orangatang
We’ll go off with a bang, still in our youth
God got no halo, she lyin’ down below
Mother Gaia know the simple truth

Love the planet (save her)
Love the planet
She’s the only one we got

When you look at me tell me what you see
(Am I real) am I worthless
Look upon the earth calculate its worth
(Can you feel) it is priceless
To ye high & almighty masters of economy
Thinking that ecology could never pay
Your grotesque cabal of kings
Got so many diamond rings

I’m talking world implosion
I’m talking bout soil erosion
I’m talk bout dirty oceans too

Love the planet (save her)
Love the planet
She’s the only one we got

Love the planet – don’t be a stranger
Love the planet – cos shes in danger
Love the planet – no need to change her ways
Cos she’s the only one we got

***

World Leader 1
Your protest has been noted

World Leader 2
You may leave…

Druid
We hope you heed our words of warning well

World Leader 3
Your advice has been registered

Exit druids / World Leaders burst into laughter

World Leader 3
Fucking hippies

World Leader 1
So, anyway where were we

World Leader 2
The Israelis – apparently they refuse to buy any more missiles

World Leader 3
We’ll see about that shall we

World Leader 2
Yes, I think a little war in the Middle East is long overdue

World Leader 1
After lunch gentlemen – listening to those beatniks has given me an appetite for some ethnic foods

World Leader 2
Grand idea

World Leader 3
How’s the new house coming along {insert name of world leader}

World Leader 1
Slowly – the natives are being a terrible nuisance – they simply refuse to leave the island

World Leader 2
Have you tried an epidemic – there’s plenty of Coronavirus still in storage at my castle in Luxemburg

World Leader 3
I’d like a new island myself, with the oceans rising so much these days… there’s plenty of new ones available

***

SHANGRI-LA

World Leader 3
I’m gonna buy myself an island
I’m gonna plant me my standard there
I’m gonna claim it for my country
As I build my country there

I’m gonna buy myself an island
I’m gonna build me a palace there
I’m gonna fill the pool with diamonds
Fountain rose milk everywhere

World Leaders 1 & 2
Following the Eastern Star
Sailing to the shores of Shangri La
You don’t have to travel far
To find out the star you are

World Leader 3
I’m gonna buy myself an island
I’m gonna build me my prison there
I’m gonna chain the native wisemen up
In mucky dungeon’s air

I’m gonna buy myself an island
I’m gonna build me a harem there
I’m gonan bed the local beauties
Scatter rubies everywhere

World Leaders 1 & 2
Following the Eastern Star
Sailing to the shores of Shangri La
You don’t have to travel far
To find out the star you are

World Leader 1
Oh, Islandwhana
Boer Country Farmer
We’ve got to count the spears
& bake the tears in ancient customs

World Leader 2
Oh, Las Malvinas
What comes between us,
Lets go to Amritsar & masticate
The old dominions

World Leader 3
Oh, Teotihuaucan
On the way to Japan
Conquistadors broke down the temple doors
& call’d priests Indians

Unlucky Lucknow
On the field of plassey
We’ll slaughter fine young braves
To save their souls from dark idolatry

World Leaders 1 & 2
I’m gonna buy myself an island
I’m gonna build me a harbour there
I’m gonna send a boat for all my friends
This paradise to share

***

General
They are proper evil bampots, them lot, like

Dante
Indeed they are – it is time to explain why we are here.. the Rise of the Druids represents the spirit of your Brenda, pleading to common sense & humanity… while the World Leader are…

General
Are me, I presume

Dante
Essato, you really getting to grips with all this aren’t you

General
I think I’m getting it now, yeah, I have been a massive prick to Brenda, but its just, I’m just so young & so good looking & so fuckin talented – I cannae help it if the birds are into me, & its just so difficult to say no, especially when your mojo is on fire

Dante
Hmmm

General
What!?

General
You think you are so smart, so clever, so cool

General
I don’t think so, I know so

Dante
It is definitively time for your next lesson.. one in humility, I think you need to learn your place in the cosmos young man….

General
Lets do it

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!


SCENE 7:  A Sri Lankan Beach

Enter Dante & the General from the space-time continuum

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!

General
Where are we

Dante
This is the island of Ceylon

General
Where

Dante
Of course, they changed its name, didn’t they, what is it again, ah that’s right, we are on the beaches of Sri Lanka, Boxing Day 2004

General
Why does that date ring a bell

Dante
Look at that

General
At what

Dante
Look, out to sea

General
I cannae see anything

Dante
Look again

General
Nah, nothing… why’s the tide out so far

Dante
Look again

General
Fuck – it’s a tidal wave, we’ve gotta get out of her

Dante
You are perfectly safe with me, now watch, & listen

***

TSU-NA-MI

Dante
Tsu-tsu-tsunami, Tsunami, Tsunami!
Tsu-tsu-tsunami, Tsunami, Tsunami!

Remember them fleeing those huge walls of water
That snapp’d them & toss’d them & made bloody piles
She’ll search’d for her daughter around Hambantota
A sad scene repeated some three thousand miles

Remember the host of the ghostly battalion
Imagine them drown’d in a growling sea
Beach-huts for driftwood, corpses for carrion
O sing a sad song for the TSU-NA-MI

Tsu-tsu-tsunami, Tsunami, Tsunami!
Tsu-tsu-tsunami, Tsunami, Tsunami!

Remember the sounds on the shores of Sri Lanka
The crunching & breaking & snapping & screams
As ships of pig-iron are ripped from the anchor
& pack’d teeming trains flung from bent, steely beams

Remember the trail of those waves of destruction
From Asia to Africa surged the wild sea
Remember, remember the Lord of the Ocean
O sing a sad song for the TSU-NA-MI!

Tsu-tsu-tsunami, Tsunami, Tsunami!
Tsu-tsu-tsunami, Tsunami, Tsunami!

***

General
I do, yeah, its like I’m a part of nature & we’re all one entity & everything

Dante
Very good, my boy, very good… I think you are ready

General
Ready, ready for what

Dante
For your final lesson… its time to take you home… ready?

General
I suppose I am, yeah, lets do it

Dante & General
Time-Warp-In!


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen

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