PART 1 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY
SCENE 1 – Peebles Town Centre
Brenda the Busker is sat underneath a cash machine with a guitar & a fake comedy dog / she is singing a song / enter a Wee Gadgie
Brenda
Alright big man, help the homeless
Wee Gadgie
I’m skint mate
Brenda
No worries, have a good night
Wee Gadgie
How am I gonna have a good night with no money, get a fuckin’ job yer hobo
Exit Wee Gadgie, enter Nelson
Brenda
Nelson!!
Nelson
Alright Brenda, hows trix
Brenda
Y’know, surviving… but wots up wi’ you Nelson, your face is trippin’ ya
Nelson
Bad day at work, y’know, my boss is a pain-in-the ass
Brenda
I’ve never had a boss, me… I’m me own boss –
Nelson
Lucky you
Brenda
Spare any change?
Nelson
What, I earn it so you can spend it on smack
Brenda
Nah, mate, gone clean, sorted me ‘ed out – this is just for the hostel tonight
Nelson
{giving change}
Why not, I’ve put in a bit of overtime this week
Brenda
Nice one fella
{Nelson starts drawing out his money}
Yo Nelson – you’ve been comin to this cash point every Friday now for as long as I can remember, wearing the same old chinos & the same pair of shoes
Nelson
Yeah, & you’ve been here every fuckin time
Brenda
I know that, its mi job innit, but what do you do every Friday night
Nelson
You know, the usual, I go down the pub with me mates – that’s where I’m off to now, for a night on the tiles
Brenda
{standing up}
Look, mate, since I’ve got my head together I’ve been thinking a lot about you & I got some advice for ya
***
TURNAROUND
Brenda
Kid make a fresh start
Let’s take the new road to walk down
Cos you know in your heart
That it’s time to leave your hometown
It’s a big world out there
Millions of girls your own age, horny
Let me tell you man I swear
If i had the chance I would always keep on moving
Nelson
I’ve bin grindin my bones for all these years
For a sackful o stones & a sink full of tears
First they fill you with loans
& then they kill your ideas
Our planet – is waiting for us all
Brenda
It’s time to turnaround (x 3)
& head on down the loose track baby
& never turnaround & think of home
& then o maybe
You will find a finer place of liberty & life
The tales you’ll tell beside the fireplace
To all your children & their children
Nelson
I’ve bin stuck in a rut & I can’t break free
Bin bustin mi gut in a factory
Industrial slut & I’ve lost my dreams
But our planet – is waitin for us all
Brenda
It’s time to turnaround
It’s time to turnaround
It’s time to turnaround
& hear the sound of your heart singin
Come on boy leave ya friends
& family & all the things you know
It’s time to go, cos there’s
A better life if you can find it
& tho the road is lined with trials
There’s mystery if you don’t mind it
Brenda & Nelson
It’s time to (time to) turnaround
It’s time to (time to) turnaround
***
Nelson
Cheers mate, ya right, this towns shit, I might as well split, the worlds my oyster innit, but where should I go first?
Brenda
The big city kid, it’ll make a man o yer
Nelson
The Big City – what, Glasgow?
Brenda
Fuckoff – not Weegieland, it’s full of numpties, I meant the capital, the capital of Scotland – the Athens of the North, the Dingwall of the South – Edinburgh
Nelson
Well, I’ve always thought about checkin’ it one day
Brenda
Of course you should laddie – I mean look at this place – it’s more like a retirement village – you should be thinkin about visitin the continent – not the incontinent – This place is just a graveyard with a TK Max
Nelson
You know, you’re right, I think I’m gonna do it
Brenda
Of course I’m right, the streets are in my blood, bruother – I see everything me – anyway, there’s a bus leaving this evening, why don’t you get yourself on it
Nelson
Tonight…. that’s a bit soon, innit
Brenda
Time & red hot, horny ladies shaking their asses on a Friday night wait for no man
Nelson
I’m gonna do it – yeah, fuck it, I’m, I’m doing it – I’ll send you a postcard, yeah
Brenda
Not to this bank though, I get all my mail sent to the Barclays up the road
Nelson
Right O, catch yer on the flipside sister
SCENE 2 – Edinburgh
A busy Princes Street – TC is hanging out – Nelson gets off the bus
Nelson
Wow this is mental – look at the buildings, the trams – the double-decker busses – the shops – the castle – the women!
TC
Welcome to the capital kid, you sound like you’re from outta town, where ya from
Nelson
Some place ya never heard of
TC
Just arrived have ya
Nelson
Yeah, I’m fresh off the bus
TC
Cool, they call me TC
Nelson
Nelson
TC
Say, kid, its Friday night, I’m goin ravin, you like to party
Nelson
Sometimes
TC
Well my mates just given me a few cheeky pills – the very the latest out of Amsterdam
Nelson
What, ecstasy
TC
Yeah… he flew in this morning with a few hundred stuck up his ass
Nelson
Uuuugh
TC
Dont worry, he used protection – now then, do wanna try one or not
Nelson
Go on then
TC
Here you go pal – tell me what ya think
{TC passes Nelson a pill}
Nelson
Uuugh – that tastes rank
TC
That’s the MDMA that is, the more bitter it tastes, the better the mash-up, right
Nelson
I guess so – wait a minute – fuckin hell
TC
Are you alright kid
Nelson
I think so… I come up on my drugs straight away me – my doctor says its my hyperactive metabolisms or something
***
ULTRA-GROOVY HIGH
Nelson
There’s nothing of this world
Like a free & easy man
He can do whatever he wants to
& what he likes he’ll do
Whatever, whenever he can
I’m a-rollin, easy strollin
Down the road, I hear my callin
In the music that I’m singin man
Its the only way to make the streets
Your own
Because the way I’m feelin now
I didn’t even know that it existed,
The way I’m feelin ultra-groovy
Brothers & my sisters
& I might be a nobody
But I’m the star o’ my own movie
Up, down, turnaround
I’m ultra-groovy high
TC
Wooah kid… are you alright
Nelson
No, mate, I’m really suffering
TC
Shit, sorry
Nelson
Yeah I’m suffering… from a case of top quality banter
TC
Ha-ha – its them pills mate, so they’re proper decent, yeah?
Nelson
Fuckin magic mate, I’m flyin here
TC
Wicked, I might try one myself
Nelson
What, have you never tried these before
TC
Course not, I always get a muppet to neck one first… Lookin at the nick of you I might just have an half
Nelson
Ya cheeky bastard
TC
Cheeky’s my middle name kid
Nelson
I’m a-skippin thro the subways
In my bliss’d-out sister love haze
& I’m a-driftin thro my drug days
& the super-shlinky soul light’s
Shinin thro…
Theres a rollercoaster risin man
Above the blue horizon &
You’ll never put a price upon
The way I’m feelin now
You’d never know
Nelson & TC
Because the way I’m feelin now
I didn’t even know that it existed
The way Im feelin ultra-groovy
Brothers & my sisters
& I might be a nobody
But I’m the star o’ my own movie
Up, down, turnaround
I’m ultra-groovy high
Nelson
& it’s true what the say about livin
I guess yer live until yer die
Cos the time we spend must fly
I’m livin on an ultra groovy high
TC
& now I’m ultra groovy high,
Ive found an oasis
I’m gonna see places I’ve never seen before
Opening doors, breaking yer laws
I’m feelin like a force of nature hollerin
The valley of Kings now I’ve spread my wings
& I can fly
***
TC
You’re right, these pills are hard core, bruv
I’m fuckin’ flyin here
Nelson
Told ya
TC
You’ll diddly do for me brother – gizza cuddle
{they cuddle}
Like I said, there’s a wicked rave on down the Bongo club tonight – its call’d Mumbo Jumbo – fancy a boogie
Nelson
Do bears shit in the woods
TC
Dunno, don’t get bears in the big city, but what we do get is proper phat phumpin beats – lets go – word to the wise tho, don’t try any of that ‘up, down turnaround’ shit, you’ll get slapped for being a nobhead – but first, we’re going shopping – theres a nice little retro shop down the Grassmarket – get you out of those townie threads – you look like my granddad
Nelson
What yer talking about, this lot cost me a fortune
TC
Well they saw you comin… Trust me, you look like a dick, now come on before the shops shut
Exit TC & Nelson
THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO
“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!
Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen
The world’s leading exponent of Dramatic Blank Verse
***
Articles:
Composing Conchordia, Provence
Composing Conchordia: Vaulting the Lockdown
