Tinky Disco: Scenes 8b-9


PART 2 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 8b: The Mashhouse (continued)

The Silver Strobes are singer Aletia, keyboardist Primrose & guitarist Roger – Primrose & Roger start setting up their gear

TC
{picking up mike}
Sorry about that people – yer next tune’s coming right up

Aletia
{grabbing mike}
& it will be being played by the Silver Strobes, thank-you

TC
Who the fuck are you

Aletia
We’re the band, the Silver Strobes, where’s DJ Brooklyn

Brooklyn
That’s me, I’m Brooklyn

Aletia
You booked us to play tonight, right

Brooklyn
I did, but, you’re a bit late don’t you think

Aletia
Apologies for our tardiness, but its never too late for live disco

Roger
We’re in

Aletia
OK – la music sil vous plait

***

KATHMANDU

We’re setting the floor on fire
We’re setting the room on fire
We’re setting the roof on fire
We’re setting the house on fire

Summon us inside of you
Up in the hills of Kathmandu

We’re setting the land on fire
We’re setting the skies on fire
We’re setting the world on fire
We’re setting us all on fire

Summon us inside of you
Up in the hills of Kathmandu

 

I’m a disco lover & im breakin it down
Like a good time lover when the sun goes down
& all ya fun lovin people gonna hit the floor
Hit the floor hit the floor
When ya want some more
break it down

When the dealers fix us up
& the dj picks it up
all the minxes sex it up
It’s a disco mix it up

Shes foxy shake it down
Hes rockin all over town
One fun-funk family
kinky disco energy

When the bass lines burn it up
& the faces turn it up
Theres a heatwave on the floor
We’re the kids in a candy store

Hit the dance floor crank it up
Tinky disco crank it up
Hit the dance floor crank it up
Spin around & spank it up

We’re setting the spheres on fire
We’re setting the moon on fire
We’re setting the sun on fire
We’re setting us stars on fire

Summon us inside of you
Up in the hills of Kathmandu

Ah-ah-ah, Ah-ah-ah, Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah, Ah-ah-ah, Ah-ah-ah-ah

**

The crowd show massive appreciation – lights go up at the end of the song – Brooklyn takes the mike

Brooklyn
Wow, that was astounding, but times up people, its 3AM – thanks for coming down everybody & I’ll see you next time

The crowd moan their dissaffection

Brooklyn
There’s nothing I can do, guys – but remember, you’ve all been living legends tonight & I’ll see you at the next Wildcat Production

Aletia
Right, that’ll be 600

Brooklyn
You what – I’m not paying you 600 bucks for one fucking tune

Aletia
Look Brooklyn, we signed a contract when you booked us – there was no stipulation as to how long we played, just as long as we played,

Brooklyn
Look, right here you, – this is Scotland, you cant get away with that bullshit up here

Roger
Look sunshine, ya gonna pay us a what

Brooklyn
I aint paying ya £600 for one song

Primrose
But the crowd were loving it

Brooklyn
They were enjoying it, yeah, but they weren’t loving it – let me show you how high proper love from crowd can go – gimme that fuckin mike – TC – spin that shit

TC starts playing a cheezy disco track

Brooklyn
No, no, no, not disco, I mean some proper deep hip-hop beats bro

TC
Gotcha

***

IN DA HOUSE

TC
All the girlies in the house go yo (yo)

Brooklyn
Hand by hand we threaten this land
Making excuses just to expand
Twisted earth twisted land
DJ Brooklyn wants demands

From Edinburgh streets our memories bleed
Our bodies share the same scars
Metal tubes that we call cars
Ruin the skies & natures past

 

Crowd
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
Comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
Comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
He’s comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
He’s the man…..

Brooklyn
Green grass throughout the land
New presidents elected ain’t so grand
Hold the world in warm hands
Iceberg cities melts into sand
Sewing the seeds for creative needs
Beneath dark streets the light is weak
DJ Brooklyn escapes with weed
Ignoring their fake news news news feeds

Crowd
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
Comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
Comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
He’s comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
He’s the man…..

Brooklyn
We go where the wildlife flows
Following it down low, low, low

TC
All the girlies in the house say yo (yo)

Brooklyn
This is the way it should be
Work together & we’ll be free

TC
What ya saying Brooklyn!

Brooklyn
This is the way it should be
Work together & we’ll be free
Split nations on their knees
Crumpl’d spirits we will not be

Crowd
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
Comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
Comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
He’s comin at ya two-time stylin’
DJ Brooklyn, in Da House,
He’s the man…..

Brooklyn
I’m the man…..

Enter Copper 1 & Copper 2 who switch off the music with a scratch / the crowd moan their dissaffection

Copper 1
We’ve been having complaints

Nelson
Not you two again

Copper
You can hear these tunes in the Grassmarket, we’re pulling the plug

Brooklyn
Alright mate, its game over, no sweat

Copper 1
If we hear another peep we’ll confiscate all the equipment

Copper 1
We’ll be watchin you lot

Copper 2
He means listening

Copper 1
Yeah, & watching as well

Copper 2
Behave yourselves

Nelson
{to exiting Coppers}
Nobheads

Aletia
We still want paying by the way

TC
& me, Brooklyn

Brooklyn
Alright look – here’s 300 for you Aletia, thanks for coming, it was your car that broke down, not mine… here’s your 500 TC, like promised, plus 20 for the pills, plus another 20 for four more cos looking at those two
{pointing at Katie & Krissie doing an erotic lesbo dance}
I’m gonna need em

TC
Look guys – fuck the po-lice, this party aint finished, lets all go down Leith Links – I’ll get a taxi to mine, pick up mi power speakers – they’re battery powered

Hamish
What about the Criminal Justice act of 1994

TC
What’s that

Hamish
Its when they bann’d gatherings characterised by the emission of a succession of repetitive beats – its still in force mate, even in Scotland

TC
Change of plan, we’re going up Arthur’s Seat instead – they’ll never get the meatwagons up there

Stacey
Wo-hoo – there aint no-one gonna stop us raving TC


SCENE 9: Edinburgh

Leith from Arthur’s Seat

CRIMINAL INJUSTICE

Exit everybody / they enter the Cowgate / the police are watching on

Brooklyn
These are our streets
These are our Scottish streets
& we can dance here if we want to
Midst the boulevards & fountains
But if I’m in the mountains
Making music with my friends
They can brand us tinky criminals
I guess that just depends
Upon your laws
No we don’t need them anymore
Cos its the rave
We’ve been waiting for
I said hello
Let’s dance like 1994
Cos its the rave
We’ve been waiting for

The party reach the Scottish Parliament / Holyrood Palace area

Nelson
After the rave
There is a melody
Something has changed
singing for you and me
After the rave
I’ll find the better me
I know I’ll survive
Cos when I look to the skies
I feel I’m feeling alive
Because I’m back with my tribe

The party moves into Holyrood Park

TC
These are our beats
These are our precious beats
& we can dance here if we want to
Midst the fauna & the heather
But when comes the paranoia
Of the government alarms
we can stick it to the lawyers
From our eco-friendly farms
I said hello, lets dance like 1994
Cos its the rave
We’ve been waiting for
& all your laws
No we don’t need them anymore
Cos its the rave
We’ve been waiting for

The party reach the top of Arthur’s Seat

Lily
After the rains
Then comes the rainbow
Something has changed
There is a new hope
After the rave
We’ll shoot a telescope
Up, up to the skies
Where I’m back with my tribe

Everybody
After the dark
There is a synergy
Up with the lark
Singing for you and me
After the rave
We’ll share a memory
I open my eyes
& as I look to the skies
I see I’m feelin alive

After the rains
Then comes the sun again
We can obtain
Light in the world of men
Into my veins just like a medicine
I’m feelin alive because I’ve opened my eyes


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!

 

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen


Tinky Disco: Scene 8a


PART 2 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 8a: The Mashhouse (continued)

Brooklyn is chatting to the General / Hamish, Stacey, Nelson & City are dancing – Enter Krissie & Katie – Brooklyn notices them arrive & makes his approch

Brooklyn
Here you go ladies, open wide

Katie
What are they

Brooklyn
Top grade ecstasy

Krissie
I’ll have one

Katie
Go on then, why not

Brooklyn
That’s for being the best looking girls in da house – so whats your names?

Katie
I’m Katie, this is Krissie

Krissie
We do everything together

Brooklyn
Cool, they call me Brooklyn… DJ Brooklyn – I organised this little soiree you are currently attending – are you enjoying yourselves

Katie
You’ve done well, we were just saying that, good effort dude

DJ Brooklyn
My pleasure

Enter The Cool Pool General

General
Alright girls

Katie & Krissie
Hiya

General
{to Brooklyn}
Aren’t ya gonna introduce us

Brooklyn
Sorry – where are my manners – ladies, this is my esteem’d gentleman friend The Cool Pool General – General meet ehmm, ehmm, this is erm… erm… O fuck it… I’m gonna call ya Real Madrid & Barcelona – General, mate, meet Madrid & Barca

General
Nice one ladies… so who’s up for a rave?

Katie & Krissie cheer their encouragement then hit the dancefloor with the General & Brooklyn / City approaches Nelson

City
Alright handsome

Nelson
Hey, City

City
Where’s Lily

Nelson
Shes in the loo I think – where’s Larry

City
He’s off chatting with some of his ‘associoates’ – you do know you’re a bit of a fox, don’t ya –

Nelson
A what?

City
A fox – you’re foxy

Nelson
I am?

City
Yeah, we’d a made a nice couple me & you, like the king & queen of the prom

Nelson
I’ve never thought about it to be honest

City
What, so since you’ve met me, even deep in your subconscious, you’ve never imagined what it would be like to, y’know, go with me on a high speed train

Nelson
A what

City
On a high speed train, when ya trevellin…’ Intercity

Nelson
Ehm

City
{kicking off her shoes}
I’m only teasin,’ come on, lets have a proper dance

***

FLIRTELITY

Nelson
Shes got no shoes on
I put my moves on
Its time to cruise on up
To the girl with the suncookin tan

City
I think hes clocked me
He’s proper cockey
Hope he’s no Cockney nob
Because hes a good lookin man

Nelson
She looks obscure
I’d like to do her
I’m lookin thro her top
& I stop cos I wanna cop some more

City
I’m up & struttin
Slip slide & slutty
Its time to cut inside
As I glide to his side cross the floor

Nelson
Ahh its kissin time
Gonna taste the tongue o’ this girl so fine

City
NO— you aint got there yet
I’m hangin on for my tete-a-tete

Nelson
I got my eye in
Cheatin & lyin
She is a lionesse
But I’m blest with a fast sharp fork tongue

City
He gives me twirl style
Twist like a turn style
Whippin the whirl while
I’m just happy ba-bobbin along

Nelson
I put my oar in
She’s all but snoring
She finks im borin’
But I’d test the best of Cairo

City
I like ya near
My hemisphere
I’d like to be ya
Date, or mate, or would you like to know

Nelson
I’m just killing time
Until the time your tongue is mine

City
Pure apocalypse when kissing slips
Between our lips

Nelson
You’ve got to keep on
Push down the pylons
Set off the fire alarms

City
Then keep the beat strong
Let your feet stomp
It wont be long before were one

Nelson & City
& when were both in harmony
That’s you & me in ecstasy
& when weve gone & harmonized
We’ll keep the feeling feelin’ really nice
You & me that’s harmony
Me & you, what shall we do

Nelson
I fink shes foxy
Without her socks yeah
Completely rocks the world
This girl with the sun cookin tan

City
He’s such a honey
So cute & funny
I’d like to run him home
Hmm-hmm he’s a good lookin man

***

Enter Lily

Lily
Whats goin’ on here then

Nelson
We were just having a boogie

City
Yeah, he’s got some nice moves has your man

Lily
He does, does he?

Enter Larry

Larry
Alright people – guess what I’ve got– Oh, you’ll never guess –I’ve only just gone & scored a gram of proper Walter White – cheeky line anyone

City
Walter White! Where the fuck did you get that from babe

Larry
Its coming in through the Chinese students

Lily
Nice one… I haven’t had any of that in years

Larry
Well shall we partake in the booth, its pretty discreet there

Lily
We’ll be with you in a minute

City
That is a proper score Larry

Larry
I thought so!

Exit City & Larry

Nelson
I’ve got this feeling you’re pissed off with me or something

Lily
Am I – I wonder why

Nelson
We were only dancing

Lily
Your hands were all over her – & you’ve got a semi -I should have left you to rot in jail, life’s a struggle enough without letting fucked-up muppets like you into it

Nelson
But baby, you’re the green mint triangle in the quality street box of my heart – the semi is because I’m talking to you

Lily
Is it

Nelson
Of course it is, our bodies are connected, like, spiritually

Lily
I’m really sorry – I’m not the jealous type, but I’ve only just found ya & I’m terrified of losing ya

Nelson
Come here

Lily & Nelson embrace

Lily
It’s not a semi anymore

Nelson
Come on, lets have that line

Exit a loved-up Lily & Nelson / Enter TC & Stacey luvd up

TC
Yo Brooklyn!

Brooklyn
Whats happening bro?

TC
Hold the decks for a couple of tunes will ya, me & Stacey are gonna have a dance

Brooklyn
No worries – & by the way, I’m proud of ya – you’re doing a wicked job pal, totaly saved the day

TC
It’s what I do, innit – I’m glad you asked me anyway, its kind of alright, this disco malarkey – gizza cuddle

TC & Brooklyn embrace

Stacey
Come on gaylord, lets boogie

SOLARIZED

TC
I cannot pretend
You don’t have a dart
It shot thro the smoke
& shatter’d my heart
Yes I know this is always
The way of the ravers
When you’re dancing for fun
Then some honey blows you away
In every way

I’m hypnotized
I’m making a bed in her eyes
I’m solarized
She might be the love of my life!

She is dancing

Stacey
We are dancing…

TC
Is this all a game
Some chemical ruse
My soul is aflame
It burns for my muse
She inspires me these fires
Are eternally blazing
When shes dancing for me
She can see that she blows me away
In every way

I’m hypnotized
She’s siftin’ the love from the lies
I’m solarized
She might be the light of my life

She is dancing

Stacey & TC
We are dancing…

Katie & Krissie start chatting up Brooklyn at the decks & distract him

TC
I’m open to something excepting evasive sensations
The twilight is over her solar eyes blow me away
In every way

I’m hypnotized
I think that I’ve just realized
I’m solarized
I’ve danced with the love of my life
O yes she is
There’s no doubt about it
O yes she is
I’m gonna scream & shout it
O yes she is
There’s no doubt it
No doubt about it

Tune finishes / Brooklyn becomes flustered / crowd moan their dissappreciation

TC
{running back to the decks}
Brooklyn, what ya playin’ at?

Enter the Silver Strobes…


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen


Tinky Disco: Scenes 6b-7


PART 2 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 6b: The Mashhouse (continued)

City, Larry the Axe, Lily & Nelson bump into each other

Larry the Axe
How ya doing Lillian! Nice to see ya darlin’

Lily
You too Larry… you’re looking good

Larry The Axe
I’m feelin’ good

Lily
{embracing City}
Alright babe

City
Glad ya could make it… who’s this ray of sunshine

Lily
He... is with me

City
Does he have a name?

Nelson
I certainly do. I’m Nelson, nice to meet you

{Nelson & City shake hands}

City
Ooo! Such strong hands – where’ve you been hiding this one, Lily

Lily
We’ve only just met, but its going really well

Larry
I’m Larry, mate, Larry the Axe, & this is my fiance Felicity

Nelson
Nice one, nice to meet yas

Larry
Likewise – so lets get this party started shall we – who wants a drink

Lily
I’ll have a G&T please

Nelson
I’ll give you a hand mate, lets do some bonding

City
Pernod & coke babe…. by the way, Nelson, do call me City… y’know cities never sleep, & I can keep going all night

Larry
{exiting with Nelson}
Sorry aboot that – she gets a wee bit excitable does mah lassie

Lily
Oi – hands off – you’re supposed to be engaged

City
Sorry, I’m coming up on half a pill, you know what I’m like

Lily
No worries honey – got any more

City
I don’t actually, I was hoping to catch TC

{Enter TC putting his arms round Lily & City}

TC
Yo-yo-yo ladies, thanks for coming down – the pair of ya are looking absolutely ravishing as always –so, is there anything I can do you for

Lily
Got any pills

TC
Obviously – here you, go there’s 10 in there, giz 60 & they’re yours

Lily
{to City}
Have you got 30 quid

City
I owe you a tenner from last time remember,

Lillian
O yeah

City
Heres 40 from me TC

Lily
& here’s the other 20

TC
Pleasure doing business ladies – I shall see you two on the dancefloor – looking down from my cool fucking DJ booth

Lily
It’s sounding good

TC
Cheers – I’ve got some proper bangers in the bank

Lily
Nice one

TC
Talking of which, there’s one coming up now, I’d better…

Exit TC

Lily
He’s such a wi-do that guy

City
Innit

Enter Nelson & Larry the Axe with drinks

Larry
Here ya go

City
Cheers babe

Lily
Nice one Larry

City
{handing out pills}
& weve got a little something for you

Nelson
Where d’ya get them from

Lily
You just missed TC

Nelson
Good!

City
Alright guys – to a top fucking night

Larry
Lets have it

They all down a pill

Lily
Right – lets fuckin’ boogie


GOOD TIME GIRL

Nelson
I’m a man you’re a woman
& a woman & a man gotta make a plan
In the frying pan
I see you comin along
With yer legs so long
In a full ensemble

I’m a man you’re a woman &
& a woman & a man gotta make a plan
When the plan demands
I’m standin’ singing my song
Coming along
Cos I know that I want ya

You’re a good time, a good time girl
& thats the kind I like-a right now, now
Yeah shes a good time, a good time girl

I know I’ll get a good, good time
Because a good time is on her mind

Lily
I know I’ll get a good, good time
Because a good time is on my mind

 

 

Lily dances with Hamish who moves away from Katie & Krissie

Nelson

Im a friend & a lover & a lover is a friend
When ya sensing tension on the floor
I see you slippin the twirl & trippin the girl
They used to be after

When a man sees a vision & a vision sees a man
Its a mission if the competition grows
I see ya playin’ the star
Baby you are the belle of the baftas

You’re a good time, a good time girl
& thats the kind I like-a right now, now
Yeah shes a good time, a good time girl

I know I’ll get a good, good time
Because a good time is on her mind

Lily
I know I’ll get a good, good time
Because a good time is on my mind

Lily
I know I’ll get a good good time
Because a good time is on my mind x 2
Yeayyeye –

Nelson
Shes so good lookin, im lovin’ my good time girl (repeat)


SCENE 7: The Ladies Toilets

The ladies toilet – Krissie & Katie are doing their make up & hair while queuing for a cubicle

Katie
What do you think

Krissie
You look great babe
{pointing to her make-up}
Just a little bit more here & it’ll be perfect

Katie
You know a mirror can only see so much – its essential to have an honest girlfriend with ya on a night out

Krissie
It’s a wicked buzz tonight

Katie
But Tinky Disco, what the fuck does that mean

Krissie
Dunno – but it kinda fits, especilly with that dodgy gadgie TC on the decks

Katie
He’s cute tho

Stacey leaves her cubicle – stares the girls down

Stacey
Boo!

Katie
Charming

Krissie
What a barnpot!

Katie
Anyway, you go in first, it looks like you’re busting

Krissie
Thanks – I am – will you do my dress for me, its too tight

Katie
I don’t know why you put on such baffling outfiits Krissie– I mean they look great, but are completely impracticle

Krissie
Cheers – I wont be long

Enter Brenda looking for India

Brenda
India?

India
I’m in here

Brenda
You alright?

India
I’m just having a pee

Brenda drops her bag, bends down to pick it up & sees a needle wrapper on the floor of India’s cubicle

Brenda
Oi, India, what are you up to in there

India
I’m having a pee, leave me alone

Brenda
Are you a diabetic or summat

India
No

Brenda
Well why are you dropping needle packaging on the floor

India
Ehm

Brenda
I know exactly what youre doing – it’s a fucking mugs game love
{to Katie}
Sorry about this

Katie
Is she a smack head?

Brenda
Think so… come on India, its not worth it, you’ll ruin yer life on that stuff

India
Away ‘n’ bile yer heid

Katie
What’s she called

Brenda
India

Katie
Hey India – smackupuncture’s not cool babe, especially in a nightclub, its rude

A sustained silence – Krissie leaves the cubicle

Brenda
India, come on out, we can talk about it, trust me, I’ve been there, let me help you out

India flushes the loo then exits the cubicle & gives Brenda a hug

Brenda
That’s the first step darlin, well done, now listen up

***

TINKY DISCO SAVED THE JUNKIE

Brenda
Tinky Disco saved the junkie
Tinky Disco saved the junkie
Tinky Disco saved the junkie
Tinky disco, Lets go, lets go

Don’t do smack no don’t do smack
I see you headin down that track
That shit is worse than a heart attack
It kills you & your friends yeah

Don’t shoot that shit into your arm
That shit is gonna do you harm
Don’t shoot that shit into your legs
You’ll end up hobbling round on pegs
With the gutter dregs

Katie
Wake up yer just a dealer’s flunky

Krissie
They’re messing with yer mind like a wind-up monkey

Brenda
Stand up girl fit & funky

Katie, Krissie, Brenda
Tinky Disco saved the junkie
Tinky Disco saved the junkie
Tinky Disco saved the junkie
Tinky disco, Lets go, lets go

Don’t do smack no don’t do smack
You aint no joker in the pack
You’ll soon be choking on your back
The bullshit never ends yeah

Don’t shoot that shit into your eyes
That shit’s the devil in disguise
Don’t shoot that shit into your veins
You’ll lose your ill-begotten gains
& your grandma hangs her head in shame

Katie
Don’t do smack no don’t do smack
You aint no joker in the pack
You’ll soon be choking on your back
The bullshit never ends yeah

Krissie
Don’t shoot that shit into your eyes
That shit’s the devil in disguise
Don’t shoot that shit into your veins
You’ll lose your ill-begotten gains

Brenda
& your grandma hangs her head in shame

Katie
Wake up yer just a dealer’s flunky

Krissie
They’re messing with yer mind like a wind-up monkey

Brenda
Stand up girl fit & funky

Katie, Krissie, Brenda
Tinky Disco saved a junkie

 

 

Enter Lily

Lily
Chennai
Shanghai
Moscow
Rio de janero
Jo-berg
Saint Petersburg
Helsinki
Y’all keepin it tinky

Glasgow
Chicago
Tirana
Espanola
Bolton
Haddington
San Francisco
Lets all have a disco

Brenda
Don’t do smack no don’t do smack
I see you headin down that track
That shit’s worse than a heart attack
It kills you & your friends yeah

Lily
Don’t do smack no don’t do smack
To get that monkey off your back
Just chuck that monkey in a sack
& let the fucker drown

Katie
Wake up yer just a dealer’s flunky

Krissie
They’re messing with yer mind like a wind-up monkey

Brenda
Stand up girl fit & funky

Katie, Krissie, Brenda, Lily
Tinky Disco saved a junkie

***

India
I’m hearing ya, girls, I really am,

Krissie
Listen to her – shes a good friend

Katie
Its not worth it – anyway, see you on the dance floor girls

Exit Katie & Krissie

Lily
Taking heroin is like getting stuck down a rabbit hole, doll –

Brenda
& it aint no wonderland down there, trust me

India
You’re right – im just a bit misguided sometimes

Lily
Look, let’s chop some uppers out –I’ve got a wee coke & ecstasy cocktail that’ll put a kick in yer grove

India
OK cool

Lily
Brenda, you in

Brenda
If you don’t mind

Lily
Course not –would you mind stepping into my office ladies

City, Brenda & Lily enter the cubicle laughing


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen


Tinky Disco: Scenes 5-6a


PART 2 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 5: The Mash House

The club is empty – Brooklyn is messin about on the decks / enter TC & Stacey

TC
Yo Brooklyn

Brooklyn
TC, my main man, how ya doin

TC
Ready to rave, pal, ready to rave

Brooklyn
& who’s this little bundle of buzziness?

Stacey
I’m Stacey

Brooklyn
Well hello – I’m Brooklyn, it looks like you’re our first punter of the night

Stacey
I aint payin,’ I’m with him

Brooklyn
But…

TC
Don’t fight it mate, you won’t win

Brooklyn
OK, the more the merrier I suppose

TC
Here’s them pills

Brooklyn
Nice one

TC
That’ll be a twenty-spot please

Brooklyn
Can I give it you at the end of the night, along with your fee

TC
Fucks sake

Brooklyn
You’ll get your money, don’t fret – in the meantime its a free bar for us – there’s a wee fridge behind the decks – whaddaya want – we’ve got cans of lager, cider, there’s even a bottle of tequila

TC
Just a can of lager ta

Stacey
I’ll have a tequila

Brooklyn
I can’t find any ices & slices

Stacey
I prefer it straight, its fine, just give me the bottle

Brooklyn
Whatever… here’s yours TC

TC
Thank you very much

TC & Brooklyn open & chink their cans / Stacey starts swigging the tequila

Brooklyn
So here are the decks, yeah – top quality technics – the bass is buzzing

TC
Buzzin

Brooklyn
I meant booming, proper in your guts stuff

TC
I’ll put a record on, then, check it out

Stacey
{singing}
One tequila two tequila three tequila four
Five tequila six tequila, watcha waiting for
Six tequila, seven tequila, eight tequila more
Nine tequila, ten tequila, then you hit the floor

Brooklyn
She’s off her head, her

TC
I don’t mind, I like the feisty ones

Brooklyn
Feisty! She’s a borderline roaster!

TC
{putting on a record}
That sounds absolutely bangin – that top end is tiop niotch

Brooklyn
It certainly is – you ready to go

TC
Easy

Brooklyn
OK, I’ll start letting them in – see you on the flipside brother


SCENE 6a: The Mash House (continued)

T.D.S

TC
Check it, check it, check it

Phew, phew got nuffin to do
Just an egg macmuffin hat attitude
Gonna put on some random records
& get down to the groove

Friends, friends followin trends
I heard miss disco’s making amends
She gotta damn foxy symphony
She gonna sing that song for you

Down at the T-I-NKY D-I-S-C-O
Freaky Superfly Disco Show
Down at the Tinky Disco
Yes its the Tinky Disco Show, so come on

You’ve got to find your vibe
You got to share your high

Stacey
Fucked up, big it up
Got the pills & the files & they’re backed up
I’m a pretty little buttercup
In my summer top all see thro sequinfied
Dont stop rev it up
Whatv ya got tip top on yer laptop
Ah tequila ceiling feeling like its cyanide
Ah tequila ceiling feeling like its cyanide
Ah tequila ceiling feeling like its cyanide

Enter Hamish, Krissie & Kate

 

 

 

 

TC
Hi! Hi! Call from Mumbai
I’ve never heard nuttin like this guy’s
Gonna ring round the company
They gonna get down to the groove

Flow, flow, kinky Kyoto
She lettin’ it hang & lettin it grow
Gotta facebook her friends
& set their statuses to you

Enter Larry the Axe & City

Down at the T-I-N-K-Y D-I-S-C-O
Freaky Superfly Disco Show
Down at the Tinky Disco
Yes its the Tinky Disco Show, so come on

You’ve got to find your tribe
You got to share your style

Well I’m the real TC thats me
I aint your normal form of MC
I’m a true groove buster voodel chile
Ripping it max with lots of style

I’m Scotland’s top hip-hot outfit
Lyrical bandit doing my bit
Musical genius jammin guitar
Hear the new disco wherever you are, yeah

We’re never gonna let the weekend stop
We gonna freak & pop we gonna freak & pop

Enter Nelson & Lily

Nelson
It’s the Tinky Disco
It’s the Tinky Disco
It’s the Tinky Disco
It’s the Tinky Disco

Lily
I put on my dancing shoes
My soul it glows like a glitterball
These neon lights they shine for me & you
Lets his the floor my friend
Gonna dip trip slide until the party ends
This Tinky Disco sets me free

Enter The General, Brenda & India

TC
Hands, hands, show me those hands
We’re dancing naked down on the sands
Gotta wee foxy flavour & a fist of fireflies
Crawl, crawl, walk or you’ll fall
The tides gone out the towers are tall
There’s a full moon approaching
& its time to phantasize

Down at the T-I-NKY D-I-S-C-O
Freaky Superfly Disco Show
Down at the Tinky Disco
Yes its the Tinky Disco Show, so come on

We’re never gonna let the weekend stop
We gonna freak & pop we gonna freak & pop


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

 

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen


Tinky Disco: Scenes 3-4

>


PART 2 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 3: An Indian Restaurant in Leith

Enter the General, Brenda & India – Palik is is the waiter

Palik
Welcome, table for three

Brenda
Yes please

Palik
This way…

General
Thank you

India
Ooo, its nice in here innit

General
It’s the best restaurant in Leith this, for many reasons

Palik
Would you like any drinks

General
I’ll have a lager… Brenda

Brenda
Same

General
India?

India
I’ll have a white wine please

Palik
No problems be back in a minute

General
Ooo & Palik

Palik
Yes

General
Could we have the poppadom special for starters

Palik
Good choice, sir, good choice

The party take their seats

India
So nice to meet ya Brenda, Tristan’s told me so much about you

Brenda
Tristan?

India
Yeah, Tristan, my brother

General
Ehm, I forget to mention that

Brenda
Tristan! Tristan & Brenda

India
Yes it’s a little incongruous isnt it

Brenda
You what?

India
Incongruous… Never mind…. Brenda, Tristan & I, well, we come from a certain privileged background

Brenda
So you’re posh then, babe

General
Ehm

India
Our family is…   Tristan’s the black sheep, doesn’t want to conform, do you darlin’

General
There’s more to life than buggary & polo

India
You do know that the flat you’re sharing was paid for by mother

General
She bought you one too

Brenda
Alright, alright, calm, down you two – you’ve only just met up – I don’tcare what your name is, who your parents are & whether you own your flat or nae, I fucking love you General

They embrace

India
Ah, aint that sweet

General
So you’re up for coming out with us later

India
Yeah, why not, what happening

General
A mate of ours is putting on a disco night

India
Ooo… I love a bit of disco

General
Well, one of the reasons why this is the best restaurant in Leith is that they do a little side-line in bingo

Brenda
What, someone didn’t flush the toilet, it’s a dirty loo, thirty two

General
No, not that kind of bingo,
{imitates snorting coke}
Bingo-bingo… & it’s the proper stuff n’all –

Brenda
You can also get some right nice afghan black, blows yer head right off,

General
& a bit of speed on Tuesdays

Palik returns
Here’s your drinks & here’s the poppadom special – just come in today

****

POPPADOM

Brenda
Have a dab o that says Abbadabbadis
To Mister Tristan Poppadopalous

India
Whats this

Brenda
Says Tristan’s sister
Tristan says

Tristan
Its got a little twist

All
Pom, pom… lets pop a proper poppadom
Pom, pom… we all love a poppadom

Palik
Dont forget the mango chutney
Its imported up from Putney
Makes the chicken balti taste supreme
Mountains of bombay tatties
Basmati rice chapattis
Its the greatest feast I’ve ever seen

 

 

India
Your spice is pretty damn nice

Brenda
Tristan’s sister tells Abbadabadis
Then gets him in the kitchen
& asks him

India
Can I have a little kiss

All
Pom, pom… lets a proper poppadom
Pom, pom…

Palik
Don’t forget the lamb jalfrezi
It’s the kind that’s sends you crazy
Then again its gets stuck in your teeth
Don’t forget the shami kebabs
They’re the one everyone has
But you gotta taste it to believe

All
Pom, pom… lets a proper poppadom
Pom, pom… lets a proper poppadom
Pom, pom… lets a proper poppadom
Pom, pom…

Tristan
What yer suckin that fer, what the the fuck is this

Brenda
Hiss’d pissed off Tristan to his little sis

India
That chutney made me horny

Brenda
Abbadabadis got battered with a fist

All
Pom, pom… lets a proper poppadom
Pom, pom…

Brenda
Don’t forget the sweet bang lassi
It’s the kind that sends you happy
Or is it that I got stuck in a dream
Don’t forget Tamwar’s peshwari
We got it from the argy-bargy
It’s the greatest feast there’s ever been
That I’ve ever seen…
That there’s ever been

****

Palik
Bloody hooligans

Brenda
{to Palik}
Are you alright pal

Palik
No I’m bloody not alright…

General
I’m sorry mate, my sister’s lost her head head on that dab you gave her

Palik
So its my fault is it – I never asked her for a bloody blow job – just get out my restaurant, yeah

Brenda
Look, man, we’re really sorry

Palik
Whatever – don’t come back yeah

Exit Brenda, Tristan – exit India gesturing ‘call me’ to Palik


SCENE 4: Constitution Street, Leith

TC is waiting at a bus stop in Leith / Stacey is also waiting

****

PUSSY BUS

TC
I met a girl
She’s gotta get on a bus
She’s gotta get on a bus
She’s going home to her boyfriend

& then she said

Stacey
I wanna come home with you
Because my boyfriend’s mad
Going thro a real bad time

TC
So I said
Lets get on a bus
Lets get on a bus
& get off at my bus stop
So she said

Stacey
I’m gonna come home with you
Yeah im coming with you
Cos I really really like you

Stacey & TC
Lets all ride the pussy bus
Lets all ride the pussy bus

TC
What about your boyfriend I said

Stacey
Don’t fuss hes a proper nobhead

Stacey & TC
Lets take a ride on the pussy bus
Its peace on earth on the pussy bus
Lets take a ride on the pussy
Yeah its disco time on the pussy bus

 

TC
So I’m sat
Yeah I’m sat on a bus
At the back of the bus
With another boy’s girlfriend

Then ouch
I get a smack in the puss
Cos a boy on the bus
He knows this hussy’s boyfriend

Fuck this
I’m gonna get off the bus
I’m gonna get off the bus
& catch the bus behind us

Then the mad bitch follows us off
She follows us off
Cos she wanted to find us

Stacey & TC
Pussy Bus, Pussy Bus, lets all ride the Pussy Bus
Pussy Bus, Pussy Bus, lets all ride the Pussy Bus

TC
What about your boyfriend I said

Stacey
Don’t fuss hes a proper nobhead

TC
So I’m back yeah, back in the street
& I look at my feet
& they’re covered in bloodspots
She says,

Stacey
Babe look at the moon
Its playing our tune
I love our new bus-stop

TC
I said mad bitch look at my shoes
Ya proper bad news
There’s blood on my trainers
She says

Stacey
Baby gimme ya shoes
I know what to do
We’ll try a dry cleaners

Stacey & TC
Pussy Bus, Pussy Bus, lets all ride the Pussy Bus
Pussy Bus, Pussy Bus, lets all ride the Pussy Bus

TC
Succubus, Succubus, she’s crazy succubus

Stacey
Succubus, Succubus, sucky fucky succubus

Stacey & TC
Pussy Bus, Pussy Bus, lets all ride the Pussy Bus
Pussy Bus, Pussy Bus, lets all ride the Pussy Bus

TC
What about your boyfriend I said

Stacey
Don’t fuss hes a proper nobhead

Stacey & TC
Lets take a ride on the pussy bus
Its peace on earth on the pussy bus
Lets take a ride on the pussy
Yeah its disco time on the pussy bus

****

Stacey
So whats your name

TC
They call me TC

Stacey
TC? Nice, I’m Sta-cey – TC & Stacey, Cagney & Lacey, nice – what ya up to

TC
I’m DJ-ing tonight

Stacey
A DJ – cool – can I come

TC
{shaking head}
I’m not gonna be able to stop you am I?

Stacey
Nope

TC
Alright then, its at the Mash House

Stacey
Yeah, lets have a mash up down the mash house

TC
So you like a party

Stacey
Do I, I fucking love raving me

TC
You do? me too

Stacey
What kind of music are you playing

TC
Disco

Stacey
Disco, whats that

TC
It’s a bit like house music

Stacey
I prefer techno me – bam-baam-blam-blam-bla-bla-blam—-bam-blam

Exit Stacey bounces off like a duracel bunny – TC follows shaking his head in a confused crush


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

 

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen


Tinky Disco: Scenes 1-2


PART 2 OF THE LEITHOLOGY QUINTOLOGY


SCENE 1: Leith

TC is having a one-man rave

*****

FOOL

Charlie’s House, Albert Street

TC
Well I went on down to my dealer’s house
To score a little exstasi, he said,

Charlie
I’m cuttin mi own throat,
They’re cheap at twice the price y’see

TC
I said, yer try all yer like
But yer’ll never make a fool outta me.

The Moustrap, Leith Walk

TC
Then I strutted into the Mousetrap
Met a Rasta dress’d like Bob Marley, he said

Rasta
Y’all want some skunk weed

TC
But it smelt like it were pot pouri
I said yer try all yer like
but yer’ll never make a fool outta me.
Wherever I am, wherever I go,
I’m always the one who sez I told yer so
& yer might jus’ get one over on mi next time!

 

Salamander Street, Leith

So I met this chick & we hit the streets
Jumped in the cube of an uber taxi,
He drove us home where he tried ter treble up the fee,
I said, yer try all yer like
but yer’ll never make a fool outta me.

Well we drank some wine, feelin fine, snortin lines,
She said,

Married Woman
Boy yer lookin fuckin sexy,
But hurry up sunshine
Mi husband’ll be home at three

TC
I said, yer try all yer like
but yer’ll never make a fool outta me.

Streets of Leith

TC
Wherever I am, wherever I go,
I’m always the one who sez I told yer so
& yer might jus’ get one over on mi next time!

So I dabbed some coke rolled a smoke put on mi coat
Hit the city streets whistlin’ tunes to the moon
Stroll down the hill comin’ down on mi pill til the next time

***


SCENE 2: TC’s Flat

TC is just kicking back with a tinny – there’s a furious knocking at his door

TC
Hello

Brooklyn
TC, its me, DJ Brooklyn, let us in

{TC opens the door}

TC
What do you want

Brooklyn
That’s no way to greet an old pal

TC
You’re right, sorry, how ya diddlin’

Brooklyn
Not too bad, Not too bad, but I’ve got myself in a bit of a fix

TC
You’re always in a bit of a fix, what is it this time?

Brooklyn
I need your help mate

TC
You still owe me £200 from the last time I helped you out

Brooklyn
Oh yeah, sorry about that, I’ll add it to your fee

TC
My fee?

Brooklyn
Yeah – I need somebody coche to DJ down the Mash House tonight, I cannae get anybody else decent enough on the decks that I can trust, they’re all booked up, you’re my last hope

TC
How much

Brooklyn
Well, including that 200 quid, it’ll be, ehm, 500 altogether

TC
Yeah, alright then, what’s the gig?

Brooklyn
Disco

TC
Disco!

Brooklyn
Yep

TC
Disco’s dead mate

Brooklyn
It can’t be that dead, there’s a load of punters have bought tickets for this gig tonight – there’s a coach load coming from Dumfries – anyways, I’ve only just gone & had a phone call from the band saying their bus has broken down with smoke fuckin’ coming out the engine somewhere near Chelmsford

TC
What band’s that

Brooklyn
The Silver Strobes – a disco band – I don’t wanna cancel, so I’m thinking if we can play some decent disco records & the punters won’t even bother about the band not being there, they’ll be too busy roller-skating all over the place underneath a fuckin’glitter ball

TC
I might have a couple of tunes somewhere I could dig out – wait a sec, lets have a look

***

DISCO GOLD

TC
You’ve took the trouble
To cook up a plan
Lets dig for disco gold

I’ve got the shovel
So pick up the pan
Lets dig for disco gold

I’ve got the silver
You’ve got the glitter glory
But where’s the disco gold

Stay funky brother
& when we’re hunky dory
We’ll find that disco gold

Its been {years since 1977} years
Since ‘I Feel Love’
Or so I’m told
We’re gonna dig for disco gold

Brooklyn
Whether stranded in Warsaw
At ya Grandad’s in France
Lets dig for disco gold

TC
We can all hit the dance floor
& learn how to prance
Diggin that disco gold

Brooklyn
Come on & take out the silence
& break down those walls
to find the disco gold

 

TC
Come on & dig out the diamonds
That shine in your souls
Cos thats the disco gold

Its been {years since 1977} years
Since ‘I Feel Love’
Or so I’m told
We’re gonna dig for disco gold

Brooklyn
Its been {???} years
Since I was born
But I don’t feel old
Because I dig my disco gold

***

Brooklyn
Those’ll fuckin do, nice one TC

TC
Yeah, I got this, should be a cinch – I might even lay some MC-ing down over the dancier bits – could be hoot

Brooklyn
If it keeps ‘em happy, why not

TC
It needs a name, tho’

Brooklyn
Well, something to do with Disco obviously, something cool sounding, kinky like, yeah that works, Kinky Disco….

TC
Nah

Brooklyn
What about Slinky Disco

TC
Nearly… wait, I got it

Brooklyn
What, what is it?

TC
Tinky Disco!

Brooklyn
Yeah, I like it, & very apt

TC
Damn straight, tinky as fuck me, & proud of it

Brooklyn
I’ll see you down there, sound checks at nine

TC
Here you are, take my records in your car will ya – I’m gonna need to get a few more pills in, & the vinyl’ll slow me down

Brooklyn
Sure… get four in for us will ya – I’ll be double dunting and & a couple for any hot ladies I might happen to meet tonight

TC
No sweat – see ya tonight yeah

Brooklyn
Laters – & thanks pal, really appreciate it

Exit Brooklyn

TC
Disco! I fuckin’ hate disco – ah well, in for a penny, in for a … well, for five hundred pounds!
{Phones Charlie}
Yo Charlie
{TC puts his coat on}
I’m gonna need a 100 sweeties or so, I’m DJing tonight
{TC exits house}

Exit TC


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to try & knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

 

Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen