Simon David: White Gay

Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose
Aug 19-28 (21:00)

Simon David is white, is gay, is funny as fuc£, he’s a musical maestro, & he’s a confident enough performer to tell ubersexy, or sick-on-a-dick, jokes in front of his mum, who just happened to be sat two seats along from me completely enthrall’d by her son’s performance. Other audience members were either frolicking in high revelry or completely mystified by the events unfolding before them. As for me, I’m a very heterosexual man, & I don’t have any opinion on homosexuality whatsoever, I accept it thoroughly, & Simon definitely gave me an education into the throbbing fibres of male for male love, while astonishing me & chopping out the cheeky guffaws along the way.

You only have sex with each other, how French!

White Gay is essentially a tour de force panoramic view of what it’s like to become an ‘annoying’ (Simon’s words, not mine) white gay man in the UK today. Beginning with him as a FLGB (faggy little gay boy), there follows a number of segments such as losing his virginity & his first night’s clubbing, all of which revolve around the central core of brilliantly sung songs backed up by some virtuoso piano. Lyric-wise, think WS Gilbert on his peak ninja performances, but a lot filthier. His anthemic sing-a-longer concerning gay porn, ‘Why am I wanking to this,’ was a personal highlight. Fuc£ing mental!

Naturalise the railways, I say!

The story is great, the music is great, & Simon as a performer is a greco-classical comedic actor in the middle of our too-serious modernity. Its really buzzing to watch him snowsled his way through all our frigidities. I started smiling as he entered the stage & it was there on my face all the way through – sometimes my eyebrows would be rising as well. Extremely good fun!


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